What to do When The Shoe (or Friendship) No Longer Fits

by Sandra Allen Lovelace  @SandraALovelace  #WallflowerWomen  #TimetobeYOU

It may not be the size. Perhaps the style is dated. Or the color no longer matches your wardrobe. Or your taste has simply changed. You outgrow those worn mules, red peep toes, or animal print spikes … but can’t seem to part with them. The clutter sits at the back of your closet, taking up space that could be put to better use.

Have you ever noticed how much shoes and friends have in common? Share on X

As a child, shoe shopping is a regular part of life. Happy memories of my grade 4 hopscotch wins still flit through my mind. But when those brown leather oxfords pinched my toes, it meant I’d outgrown them. I handed them down  to a cousin and they carried her to a spelling bee championship.

My shoes weren’t at fault for getting too small. Nor was I to blame for outgrowing them since growing is what children’s feet are supposed to do. Our sizes simply no longer corresponded. My mother would take me shopping for another pair with what she called ‘room to grow’ and hope they’d ‘last longer this time’.

Healthy friendships follow similar pathways. We draw close to another person because our lives connect in some way – age, situation, interests. On the journey, we share experiences while each one grows in unique ways. Calling someone a friend usually means we enjoy being together, but a friendship may start to pinch the toes of one or the other.

Since the LORD has established and guides our growth in every area, fault and blame have no place. Instead, we can grasp the opportunity to set free friendships that no longer fit and concentrate on deepening others. Or look to Him to bring us a new size or suitable style.

Is it time to check the back of your friendship closet?
Are you ready to let go of outgrown friendships and let God grant you a fresh design?


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  1. What an interesting analogy! I think we expose our lives, and all that entails, to some friends. Let’s call them sandals. But with others, we interact, laugh, and simply enjoy each other’s company. Let’s call them boots since little is truly exposed about our deep down feelings, but everything looks pretty nonetheless. I think we have all types of “shoes” in our lives — a few come to stay, but many wander away at some point…and that’s okay. Surely we play some part in every life we meet, whether it’s small or significant, and ultimately, that is in the Maker’s hands. I try to welcome them all and trust God to fill my shoe closet as He sees fit (no pun intended). 🙂

    1. Oh Cathy, thank you for taking the analogy up another level. I enjoy your shoe style expression of varying friendships. And, of course, thank you for sharing the pun. 😀

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