by Sandra Allen Lovelace       @SandraALovelace       #WallflowerWomen

Kendra was in turmoil. Her breath caught, and her palms were sweaty. The criticism felt like a sharp drill boring a hole in her heart. But Terry was a long time friend. Maybe she didn’t realize how hurtful her words were. Should I remain silent, slip away, or speak up?

Long time friend or new, at home, work, or school, have you ever felt the same turmoil?

Kendra sought the Father’s will, and Holy Spirit led her gently.

She caught hold of herself in the midst of the stretching circumstances—self, that internal real you that never ceases to whisper, but often gets ignored. Taking stock of her honest thoughts and feelings, she carried them to the One who knows her best, and whose plan she knew was for her good.

Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye.” And behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:1-5

As she reviewed the situation with a fresh perspective, she asked for clarity and wisdom, confidence and guidance. A proper attitude, perfect timing, favorable setting, effective words.

So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Luke 11:9

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

When God coordinated the details she’d prayed about, Kendra shared as gently as she could with tender compassion.

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22

Terry listened closely, and said she’d consider the subject. Sadly, she chose to distance herself from the friendship. Over time, Kendra came to accept the reality that sometimes the deepest love is misunderstood. She chose to thank the Most High God for His ever-available discernment and grace.

But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.  James 1:25

Have you made a similar choice to speak up?
How did the situation turn out for you?




*references are NASB, unless otherwise noted

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  1. Yes…but what do you do when the person DOESN’T let you get a word in edgewise? They continually degrade you and say it’s YOUR own fault.

    1. Well, that does happen, doesn’t it. Thankfully, God is the One we need to please. In such a frustrating situation we can turn to the directions Jesus gave His Disciples in Matthew 10:14. “Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet.”

  2. Situations like these are difficult, no doubt. I’m still learning, but when facing similar situations, I try to remember two things: 1) I am only responsible for my actions (or reactions) 2) Once I’ve done all I can do — pray, seek the Word for counsel, and reach out to the person — regardless of how they respond — I rest. Not in my efforts but in God’s sovereignty, trusting Him to bring the kind of healing only He can bring. Thanks, Sandra!

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